THE FRAGILE ART OF DISCIPLINE

I was out on a run this afternoon, and trying to remember the many instances during my "early" years as a mother in my "twenties" when I was compelled to discipline my first two daughters,who grew up four years apart. I remembered one particular afternoon, when I stood searching for clothing bargains for back to school with my daughters - the youngest who was not yet 4 years old at the time.
In those days, many stores used to have clothing racks that spun around so the shopper could look at every item while standing on the same spot, and so I stood there with my daughters by my side, spinning the rack, looking and talking with them, until all of a sudden - my youngest daughter was gone.

I remember my desperate scream and my older daughter's arm in my hand as I grabbed a store worker with my free arm like a ravenous predator, just as my mischievous 4 year old emerged from her hiding place inside the spinning clothing rack, wearing a nervous smile.

I cried hot tears as I held both of them, thanked God - and then, as if I had been a seasoned General who had commanded armies of thousands across deserts and frozen waste lands - I selected a meeting place on the floor of the store and spent the better part of an hour - explaining to both of them, while shoppers witnessed - why that scenario should never happen to anyone , and why it would never happen again in our life.

My decision to stop everything - and to address the incident immediately where it occurred regardless of who watched or heard, impacted both my daughters in such a way - that they never forgot that lesson - or any of the many other lessons I delivered in very much the same way - Those lessons became "etched" in such a way as to render them permanent.

There are 3 necessary elements to this "etching" process.

The first one is to "Seize The Moment" . Do not allow a cooling down period when immediate discipline is called for. Take the time to stop whatever it is you are doing, whether you are in public or not - and to address the situation. It becomes the most important thing at the time - and everything else can wait - and I mean everything.

The second is to "Take your Time" Explain why the behavior was unacceptable. Use examples from history, books, movies, whatever you can think of that will help her understand the scenario more clearly, while making it memorable - even if she appears to be bored or disinterested in what you have to say - these "pearls" are being internalized by your daughter - believe me.

The third is to "Safeguard her Self Esteem" Never - and I mean Never strike your daughter. I have come to believe that violence destroys the very fibers that build Self Esteem. Never - and I mean Never "call" your daughter anything other than the daughter you love - even when you are terribly angry or horribly disappointed.
Let her know that she is a great gift in your life.
She will believe you.

My third and youngest daughter is twenty years younger than her sister in the middle, and is now compelling me to re-visit my old techniques; which served me well.

They are serving me again.